She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
