no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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