YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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