Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
