Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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