it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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