After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
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Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
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Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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