My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize