I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
