She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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