I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
