someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
