i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
