we're blogging at a bar
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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