I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize