I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
