Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
