she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
