Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I died a long time ago.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
