When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
What a dumb baby whore.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
