So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
