Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
