she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
