I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
