I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
