Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize