Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
