She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
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Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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