I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
