He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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