i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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