Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
