Soap is not a condiment
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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