Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
