That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
