Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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