Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
