He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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