So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
