Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
