alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
