yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
