i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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