would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
