I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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