The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
