Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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