what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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