dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
