I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
