so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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