no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
