got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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