so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
