I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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