That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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