as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
