Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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