I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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