areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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