omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
