I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
