Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
