I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
