I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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