would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
