im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
